


Luis . . . Luisa

by PsychoCalixteLove



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Friendship, Gen, I Wrote This For Creative Writing Class, Unacceptance, transgender AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 14:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12459924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoCalixteLove/pseuds/PsychoCalixteLove
Summary: Luisa Meyer's biggest fear is not being accepted by her family. When one slip up forces her to come out, she is faced with her families reactions and has to decide between family or truth.





	Luis . . . Luisa

Luisa had to deal with it her whole life. It was her greatest fear she still hadn’t overcome. From the time she realized who she was and who she wanted to be, she knew nothing would be easy anymore. She constantly hid behind the layers of gender conformity. She wore clothes to fit her birth gender for years to placate her worries for the time, but they always came back when she was alone in her room with her whole family downstairs. That was the day her fear was worst. She stared at the floral dress buried in her closet for minutes on end, debating if she wanted to be herself for a little while. She stood from her bed and carefully took the spaghetti strap dress off its hanger, feeling the soft polyester in her hands. She glanced once at the door to make sure no one was coming before she started to undress. She found so many problems with herself, but they were with her physical being, not mental state. The problems started with the flat chest which adorned her body, reminding her she wasn’t female. Then came the problem with what rested between her legs, enforcing the idea that she was, in fact, a man. Her physicality didn’t match the mental image she had of herself.

She hated it. She hated herself. It was her fear of being shut out from her family that fueled her self-hatred, her self-harm. Thin, purple lines ran up her arms in scarce amounts and only added to the reasons she couldn’t stand to see herself in khaki cargo shorts, Nike’s, and a light blue t-shirt with a surfboard on the back. She didn’t hurt herself very often, only when her fear was too much to handle, but the constant influx of worrying thoughts triggered the slits most of the time. And as she pulled the sweetheart neckline over her body, she saw the truest form of herself glaring back in the full body mirror. Standing awkwardly, she reluctantly let her eyes graze over her figure typical for an unathletic high school boy. Her long blonde hair fell over her shoulders in a wavy fashion and outlined her slightly feminine face. She had blue eyes the color of cyan with strong eyebrows and high cheekbones that framed her arched nose and full lips in such a way which told her she was meant to be a girl. She caught her own gaze in the mirror and saw a mix of emotions. The stirrings set her aflame and made her see who she was, who she truly was.

Suddenly, all her scars disappeared and she escaped into the world she called her own. The lines on her arms faded to pretty lilacs in an open field and she felt stronger with the relation of something that made her ugly to a symbol of beauty. A light sway overtook her to see the flowers on her dress rustle and flare in the breeze she created. She smiled brightly at the new embodiment she projected onto herself and started to dance around like a five-year-old with a crush. She began to giggle with the giddiness that filled her and spin around uncontrollably, making quite a bit of noise. She didn’t notice the sounds she was making and was essentially oblivious to her younger sister, Adeline, walking into the room. Adeline meant to yell at Luisa for making so much noise but ended up gawking at her and gasping. Luisa caught the breathy voice and stopped dancing abruptly, looking to the small child. Luisa registered Adeline and immediately covered herself in embarrassment, her innate fear rushing through her again. Instead of asking questions, Adeline ran back downstairs, screaming, “Mama! Papa! Luis is wearing a dress!”

Luisa watched in terror as her parents came up the stairs, confused expressions on their faces. Luisa’s face drained of all color and she slammed her door shut, locking it tightly. She ignored the calls of her father, demanding her to open the door, and desperately scrambled to get her other clothes on. Once she pulled on her boots, she zipped up her winter coat and climbed out her window. She wasn’t going to try and explain her gender identity to her parents because the first stage of the acceptance process was rejection punitive. This involved physical violence most times and Luisa didn’t want to be hurt any more than she already was so she ran away to her favorite place in Berlin. It was a small cafe where her best friend worked. By the time her parents had gotten into her room, all that was left was an open window and the dress she let bundle on the floor. Luisa was already most of the way to her safe haven, but her tears sliced down her face in defiant streams, refusing to stop. The wind whipped around her, blowing snow into her face and eyes, but she kept trudging along until she found where wanted to be. Luisa walked into the cozy place with her tears streaking down her face and glanced around for her best friend, Pieter.

As soon as Pieter spotted her, he quickly finished caring for the table he was at and rushed over to her. Pieter took Luisa into his arms and allowed her to cry into his chest, petting the back of her hair for comfort. Luisa clutched to Pieter’s shoulders like they were the only thing keeping her alive and buried her wet face in the warm spot in the center of his chest. “Calm down, Luisa. They would’ve found out eventually,” Pieter consoled, calling her by her preferred name. He was the only one to know Luisa was Luisa and not Luis and made it a habit to call her Luisa when they were alone to give her support. Pieter had short, dark hair and blue eyes much like Luisa’s, but he was a few inches taller than her. When Luisa stopped crying, Pieter pulled away and held both sides of her face as he wiped away her tears, kissing her forehead platonically. He got Luisa her favorite drink, a cappuccino with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle, and made her sit down in a secluded booth toward the back of the little shop, keeping his eyes on her while he went back to his work. Luisa stripped off her winter coat and pulled her hair back into a low ponytail more for getting it out of the way rather than ornament. She looked over her outfit and sighed at how much she attempted to be female.

Her gray long sleeve was as gender neutral as possible, but her skinny jeans couldn’t cover up who she physically was. She lifted her head back to the coffee in front of her to distract herself so she didn’t cry again and lightly blew at the drink to cool it down some. She held the cup in both hands as she let it rest in the air supported by her elbows and gazed out the icy window, wishing she didn’t have to deal with all of this. She knew her parents would come looking for her sooner or later and she knew she had to face her fear then. She just didn’t expect it to be so soon. She wasn’t ready to tell anybody else, but she had to eventually because she forced herself out of the closet. She drank her cappuccino in long gulps that helped calm her nerves and licked the chocolatey cream from her upper lip when she needed to. She was about finished when she heard a small bell go off from across the way, signifying someone’s entrance. She stared down into her cup, blowing at the remaining cream to stir it around, and almost didn’t answer when she heard a gentle voice whisper, “Lu?” She felt a shiver pass over her that told her who it was before she even looked up. She tore her eyes away from the tan liquid in her cup and slowly shifted her focus to the person in front of her.

Her mother, Derika, was standing there, concern glinting her eyes, and snow barely covered her. Seeing her mother was too overwhelming and Luisa hurried to get up, grabbing her jacket. She went to push past her mother and out of the cafe, but her mother got her by the wrist. “Please, wait, Luis. I just . . . I just want to talk to you,” Derika pleaded, holding Luisa’s wrist firmly. Luisa stared into her mother’s eyes and only saw compassionate emotions in her irises. Luisa softened up at the pure emotion and realized she couldn’t run anymore. It was time to officially come out. Luisa nodded her head solemnly and let it hang while she pulled her jacket on and followed Derika out to her car. She sat in the passenger seat of the small Volkswagen uncomfortably, fidgeting with her fingers nervously. She barely moved her focus from her hands and if she did, she always looked out into the small parking lot. All she saw were cars that looked so much different from each other and she couldn’t see anything else. Everything was different. Everyone was different . . . from  _ her. _ The obvious indication made her flinch back and internally cower with fear. Her parents wouldn’t accept her if she was different. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she managed to see past all the colors, makes, and models. Then, she didn’t feel so alone because she was more open to differences, open to herself. That was consolation enough, to know she wasn’t alone in her fight for acceptance.

Derika looked over who she called, “Son” and sensed the radiating apprehension. She had never seen her child like this before, but she couldn’t help feeling a bit pitiful. Determined to find out why, Derika reached over and held one of Luisa’s hands, stopping the shaking. Luisa was surprised by the grip and snapped her head to look at the other woman, a mix of fear and mild confidence pumping through her. Derika gave Luisa’s hand a light squeeze before she started, “Now, I know your sister had no right to go into your room without knocking, but . . . do you want to explain to me why you were wearing a dress?” She was trying to be gentle about her wording so she didn’t scare Luisa and make her run off, despite the doors being locked. Luisa looked away again, tears stinging the backs of her eyes, and grounded herself in the white snowfall surrounding them. The snow drifted to the concrete ground and almost instantly melted, but it mostly started to form piles. The parking lot seemed to vanish before her eyes, blurring into a canvas of white, and all she could think was, “Just tell her, Luisa. She’ll understand.”

After taking a deep breath and gathering her courage into one sentence, she turned to her mother and confessed, “I’m trans . . . Mama. I want to be a girl.” Her mother’s response was usual, as Luisa had seen with Pieter, but hers hurt more than Pieter’s did. Derika’s expression saddened and she avoided eye contact, letting go of Luisa’s hand. Luisa immediately became scared of what would happen next because of her mother’s reluctant response and drew her hand back into her lap. Luisa shrank back against the car door and felt her fear well up inside her chest, tears falling from her lashes again. She leaned her head against the window, resigning to a life of rejection, but she didn’t realize her mother was watching her. Derika took in the emotional warnings Luisa was giving off and couldn’t understand why Luisa was acting the way she was. She could see who her child wanted to be, though that wasn’t why she hadn’t responded. Derika only pulled away from Luisa because she couldn’t understand why Luisa hadn’t told her sooner. She had always been accepting of Luisa’s feminine mannerisms, including her obsession with baking, and was generally open to new things. To hear her son run away and hide because of something he felt he couldn’t share absolutely broke her heart and she was trying to find the words to explain.

Derika reached out calmly, taking Luisa’s cheek in her hand, and turned Luisa’s head to face her. Luisa wouldn’t meet her mother’s gaze and kept her eyes downcast as if she felt she wasn’t worth the attention. “Look at me, Luis. Luis, look at me please?” Derika tried, finally making eye contact. Luisa’s fear was tangible in her hesitation and Derika did her best to remediate the situation as fast as she could. She held both sides of Luisa’s face in her hands as she explained, “Listen, it’s okay. I understand. To be honest, I’ve never had to go through something like this. It was clear that I was to be a woman, but it wasn’t as obvious for you. If you’d rather be a girl, that’s fine with me. I just don’t understand why you felt you couldn’t tell me. I’ll love you no matter if you’re my son or daughter. So I’m sorry I gave you any indication that I wouldn’t accept you.” Derika finished with a firm kiss to Luisa’s forehead, causing Luisa to cry more. Derika pulled away and gave Luisa a tight hug over the center console, nestling her daughter’s face into her chest. Luisa clung to her mother’s jacket in a loose hug as she cried tears of joy. “Thank you, Mama,” Luisa whispered, settling down. Their embrace ended when Derika replied, “Anything for meine Liebling.”

Luisa quickly wiped at her eyes to dry them and inherently smiled into her lap, knowing she had found another ally. Derika saw that Luisa was ready to go and started the car. She headed in the direction of the house, but intentionally went slowly so she could talk to Luisa further. Derika was curious as to how to address her daughter so she had her explain her real self and figured out Luisa was also gay because of the way she talked about Pieter in such a platonic way. Of all the things she could expect from life, Derika never imagined having a transgender lesbian daughter. The thought alone made her chuckle. They arrived home soon after, Luisa’s fear hitting her again. She had overcome the fear once, but now was time for officially expelling it from her life completely. She and her mother made their way to the front door and Luisa was the first to enter. She walked into the small family room to see her father standing there, waiting for her. She breathed in deeply to build her confidence until she finally spoke, “I am not the Luis you were given sixteen years ago. I am your daughter . . . Luisa Meyer.”

Luisa stood in front of her father anxiously, waiting for any response. When he just fumed internally, Luisa knew he didn’t accept her. She wanted to break down to tears and run away, but she found she couldn’t move. She was both physically and mentally stapled to her spot on the flat rug of their living room. Her father grabbed her by the biceps and did nothing but berate her. “I did not raise my son to be a tranny!” he screamed, alarming Derika. Derika tried to help by separating the two of them, but Luisa’s father was too strong. Derika was thrown against the couch forcefully and little Adeline screamed, “Mama!” Adeline ran to Derika’s side crying and jumped into her mother’s lap for comfort. “Why is Papa hurting Luis?” Adeline cried, her child mind too young to understand the situation. Derika gave Adeline a tight hug before letting her go and telling her, “Go to your room. Lock the door and don’t come out until I come get you.” Adeline followed her mother’s instructions and ran upstairs, locking her door and hiding underneath her sheets. Derika shot up from the couch as her protective instincts overtook her and she shouted, “Gerard! Stop it!”

By the time Derika had been able to physically intervene again, Gerard had shoved Luisa to the ground after a solid blow to the face. Derika regretted not getting involved sooner and just went at her husband viciously. She slapped him clear across the face and narrowly avoided his retaliation. Seeing his wife wasn’t going to let up, Gerard backed off for a while, walking away a few feet. Derika went to Luisa, helping her off the floor, and firmly told her, “Go to Pieter’s. Now, Luisa. Go and don’t come back, there’s not much here for you anymore.” Luisa was heartbroken to hear those words from her mother, but she knew she couldn’t be part of her family anymore. She gathered her jacket in her hands and ran for the door, escaping into the unpromising tundra of suburban Berlin. Before she had left the yard, she heard two voices. The first was Adeline, screaming, “Please, don’t go, Luis!” Adeline’s face read betrayal and utter pain as she peered through her bedroom window and the look alone would’ve been enough to make Luisa stay until she heard her father. Gerard walked outside onto the small porch and yelled after her, “Don’t come back until you’ve stopped being a tranny!” With tears rushing down her face, Luisa ran off to Pieter’s and hoped his shift had ended.

She pawed desperately at her face and made a final decision with herself: she was going to stop being afraid and just live with her father’s rejection. No doubt she would feel guilty for shutting him out, but until he accepted her the way she was, she wasn’t going to speak to him again. With this resolve, she kept padding off in the snow with a newfound confidence to keep moving forward even if it meant leaving her family.   
  


**Alternate Ending**

 

_ “I am not the Luis you were given sixteen years ago. I am your daughter . . . Luisa Meyer.” _

Her father made the same expression her mother did, the disdain present in his features, but Luisa’s confidence didn’t waver. She stood there frozen and ready to endure physical pain if she had to. Her father sauntered toward her with a sort of aggressiveness to his step, stared at her in the eyes, and brought his hands up. Luisa closed her eyes as she balled her hands into fists, expecting his own to be brought upon her. “I know I don’t understand this like your mother, but I’m willing to try. For you . . . L-Luisa,” her father admitted, struggling to see the femininity in his daughter. It was a bit of a struggle to correct his habits of calling Luisa, Luis but his attempts meant everything to Luisa. He at first was wary of Luisa’s identification and for a long time, it was silent tolerance between the two. Adeline was just like Derika, all acceptance no questions, though they all knew she would ask questions when she was over the age of six. With some objection, Luisa’s father gave Luisa a hug and tried not to feel awkward about the news. Luisa knew that with this hug, she would have a little more to push through to be fully accepted, but she felt her fear dissipate from her body and wondered why she had ever been afraid at all.


End file.
